The Mindless Activities List
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1. Screw up the vertical hold on your TV set so that David Letterman looks
like one of the Oompa Loompas from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

2. Race Police cars with whatever you have at hand. i.e.- Car, Bike,
Skateboard, a washing machine...

3. Try to bite a Chips Ahoy cookie without biting any chips.

4. Ask a friend over, sneak them out the back, and then load chicken blood-
stained shopping bags out to your car, hoping the neighbors are watching.

5. Make balloon animals and pop them with a bow and arrow.

6. Feed your small fish to your big fish.

7. Break up words into roots.  Examples: To-polo-g-is-t or Hyper-bola...

8. Think of as many descriptive disgust exclamations as possible.  Examples:
Yuck, Ick, Nasty, etc...

9. How many ways can you draw a house without lifting your pencil?

10. Count how many combinations of numbers you have memorized.  Example:
Phone #'s.

11. Throw pennies off tall buildings.

12. Catch pennies thrown off tall buildings.

13 Videotape MTV and watch it backwards.

14. Drink Captain Morgan's Rum with Coke and see what's happening on your
favorite BBS.

15. Read the contents of potted meat products and luncheon loafs.

16. Wax poetic (those poets get so dull if you don't wax them every so
often).

17. Toss your disk drive in the dryer with a bounce sheet to get our static
cling.

18. Breast feed your Christmas tree.

19. Try to convert the metric system to Hebrew.

20. Mourn the loss of Nehi Blue.

21 Put a piece of paper in the toilet and piss on it till it sinks.

22. Watch television until both the station and you simultaneously go off the
air.

23. Point lewdly at the feminine hygene products while shopping at K-Martm
Target, or Wal-Mart.

24. Play solitaire on the ceiling (don't tell the state department or they'll
want to know how you do it).

25. Ingest large quantities of fizzy fluids and attempt to shatter the
windows when you burp.  If the db level isn't enough then settle for simply
disgusting the neighbors.

26. Paint numbers on the roaches and have races.

27. Fart in elevators.

28. Count the number of pieces of ling in your bellybutton while sucking a
large tomato.

29. Count how many of those little bumps there are on the ceiling.

30. Blink your eyes rapidly while looking at a ceiling fan.  Try to get the
blades in the same place upon every blink.

31. Contemplate how they ever came up with the tones for touch-tone phones.

32. Contemplate the idea of going back in time and killing the SOB that
developed CALCULUS in the first place.

33. Have a contest with yourself to see how long you can keep from moving.
(WARNING: This activity may cause drowsiness.  Do not operate any light
equi-ment while performing this activity.  Only operating heavy machinery,
driving city buses, and watching the Iran-Contra hearings are allowed.)

34. If things get really bad, try watching a movie while freeze-framing the
entire thing.  (Justification:  You rented this damn movie for $3.99, so
don't let it go to waste.  It'll make it last the entire 48 hours.)

35. Reprogram your Speed-Dialing numbers on your phone.  Clear them out.
Repeat.

36. Try to lear Turbo Pascal.

37. Try to forget Turbo Pascal.

38. Type lists like these on bulletin boards like this one.

39. Try to beat the high score on your favorite video game; AGAIN.

40.Eat popcorn. Pick husks from teeth.  Repeat until full or sick.

41. Take the cord off your phone and drive up and down the road pretending
you have a cellular mobile phone.

42. Drive up and down the road with a friend pretending you're blind (i.e.
leave the windows down and have a friend in the car with your yelling "STOP!
STOP! It's a red light! Turn left! OK, a little more to the right...")

43. Abuse your neighbor's pets.

44. Read mindless literature.

45. Teach yourself to do useless activities: juggle, ride a unicycle, etc...

46. Reprogram the talking cash registers at HEB to set off alarms and sirens,
as well as broadcast over the store intercom, "Hey! Someone's buying rubbers
on aisle 12!  Rubbers!  Rubbers!  Ah, look at THIS Bozo!  I bet he's just
buying them to put in his wallet to look cool!  This guy couldn't get any if
he tried!  Rubbers!  Rubbers! etc..." whenever someone purchases condoms.

47. Write a letter to the ASPCA and complain about the terrible way Tammy
Bakker has been treated.

48. Take a pen apart and spit spit-wads at the wall.

49. Count how many spit wads stuck to the wall.

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(Taken from the TMW Archives [1987] Thanks to Snoof!)

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