Uncle Shelby's ABZ's
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O child learn your ABZ's
And memorize them well
And you shall learn to talk and think
And read and write and spel.


A is for Apple

See the nice green apple. M-m-m-m good.
How many nice green apples can YOU eat?

Make a circle around the number of nice
green little apples you ate today.


2  3  4  7  12  38  57  83  91  116



B is for Baby

See the baby
The baby is fat
The baby is pink
The baby can cry
The baby can laugh
See the baby play

Play, baby, play.

Pretty, pretty, baby.

Mommy loves the baby
More than she loves you.

 
Z is for ZOO

Let's go to the zoo
See all the animals!
The animals are locked
inside the cages.
Poor animals!
Who will let them out???

See the elephant in the zoo.
Give the nice elephant some peanut
shells with pepper inside. That will
be a good joke on him. Ha ha ha ha.
The elephant is mad, but don't worry--
by tomorrow the elephant will have
forgotten all about it.

Poor hippopotamus. The hippopotamus
has a bone stuck in his throat & can't
get it out. Poor hippopotamus the
hippopotamus has no fingers like you
do. Poor hippopotamus. Say, maybe he
is not a real hippopotamus after all.
Maybe he is really a nice royal prince
that has been turned into a
hippopotamus by a wicked witch and
when some person takes the bone out
of his throat the spell will be broken
and he will turn back into a prince
again and give whoever did it a million
dollars in gold and a horse and a castle.

See the hippopotamus
in
the
zoo

whew!

 See the nice tiger in the zoo peeking
out of the grass at you and...
Say...there is no grass in the zoo.
Where are all the iron cages? There
are no cages. Hey this is no zoo
this is a JUNGLE... And all those wild
animals are LOOSE and you'd better
run 
	****  *    *   *     *
	*   *  *    *   * *   *
	* *    *    *   *   * *
	*   *  ****    *     *


D is for Daddy


See daddy.
See daddy sleeping on the couch?
See daddy's hair
Daddy needs a haircut
Poor daddy. Daddy has no money for a haircut.

Daddy spends all his money to buy
you toys and oatmeal.

Poor daddy. Daddy can not have a haircut.

Poor poor daddy.

See the scissors...

Poor poor poor poor

Daddy.


 E is for EGG

See the egg.
The egg is
Full of slimy
Gooey white
Stuff and icky
Yellow stuff.

Do you like
To eat eggs?


E is also for ERNIE

Ernie is the genie who
Lives in the ceiling.
Ernie loves eggs.
Take a nice fresh egg and throw
It as high as you can and yell:

"Catch, Ernie, catch the Egg!"

And Ernie will reach down and
Catch the egg.

F is for FINGER


See the fingers.
Can you count your fingers?

Fingers are fun
You can stick your finger
Into your nose.
Doesn't that feel nice?

You can stick your finger
Into the baby's ear.

The baby is crying.
Maybe he wants his bottle.
 You can stick your finger
Into the fire--

OOH! The fire is hot!
Quick--stick your finger into
The mayonnaise!

There, isn't that nice and cool?

Print C-O-O-L on the mirror
In MAYONNAISE.
 
Aren't fingers fun?
 
Tomorrow we will find some new
Things to do with fingers.



And now it's time for HANDICRAFT CLASS!

And this morning Uncle Shelby is going to teach you how to make
		Your own VOODOO DOLLY PIN CUSHION!

(1) Now first of all, take
needle and thread and make
a rag dolly that looks just like teacher.

(2) Now ask teacher for
a lock of her hair and
paste it on the dolly.

(3) Stuff the dolly with straw.

(4) Now you have a
"teacher cushion."

(5) Stick some pins in it.

(6) You can make mommy cushions and
grandpa cushions and policeman cushions.

(7) Do NOT make an Uncle Shelby cushion.
 
**Uncle Shelby's**
**Present**


###########       KIDS!
#                  #       """"""
#                  #   Clip out this
#     *****     #  Certificate and
#    ******     #  Bring it to your
#   *******    #      Friendly
#  ********    # Neighborhood Grocer
#     *****     # And he will give
#     *****     # You, absolutely
#     *****     #       Free...
#     *****     #
#     *****     #  A REAL LIVE PONY!!!
#    *******   #
#   ********  #
#                 #
#    P O N Y  #
#    (free)    #
#                 #
##########

G is for GIGOLO


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  |   | o   | o   | o   | o   |   /--
  |   |   o |   o |   o |   o |  /
  |  ---------------------------/
  | /
  |/


See the pretty gigolo.

The gigolo makes beautiful music.

The next time your mommy goes shopping,
 Ask her to buy you a gigolo.

She will tell all the neighbors

How cute you are

And she will write it in to the

Reader's Digest

And they will print it and send

You money.


DEEP
HOLE
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                     O  (*)
                         -|-
                         |
                         / \
   -----\     /-----
	|     |
	|     |
 	|     |   H is for HOLE
	|     |
	|     |
	|     |    See the hole
	|     |    The hole is deep
	|     |    You can bury things
	|     |            in the hole.
	|     |
	|     |    See the toaster.
	|     |
	|     |    You can bury
	|     |    The toaster in
	|     |    The hole.
	|     |
        |     |    See the car keys
        |     |
        |     |    You can bury
        |     |    The car keys in
        |     |    The hole.
	|     |
        |     |    See grandma's teeth
        |     |    See daddy's shoe
        |     |    See mommy's diamond
        |     |           ring
	|     |
        |     |    Oh-oh-little sister(*)
        |     |    Sees you burying things
        |     |       In the hole
	|     |
        |     |    Maybe she will snitch
        |     |    On you & you will get
        |     |          A licking.
	|     |
	|     |
        |     |What ELSE can you bury
        |     |In the hole...?...(*)
	|     |
	|     |
	\_____/

 I is for INK

Ink is black & wet.
Ink is fun.

What can you do
with ink?

What rhymes with ink?

"DR---"


K is for KIDNAPPER

See the nice kidnapper?

The kidnapper has a lollipop.

The kidnapper has a keen car.

The car can go fast.

Tell the nice kidnapper that
your daddy has lots of money.

Then maybe he will let you ride
in his car.

 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

IT'S QUESTION TIME!


Do you want to be smart?

Ask some questions.

Ask daddy why the sky is blue.

Ask teacher where do babies come from.

Ask mommy why daddy comes

home late from work.

Ask Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask
Ask Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask
Ask Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask  Ask
ASK ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK
ASK ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK
ASK ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK  ASK


??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

NOW IT'S DRAWING TIME!


Yes kids it's time to draw so take
out your pencils and crayons and chalk
and draw something nice on the whole
page. It's just for you and never mind
the witch--she said that this is HER
page and if anybody drew on it she'd
turn them into a rat. But I don't
believe in witches. Do you? No of
course not...now draw...draw....!....
 J is for JOKE

Do you know a funny joke?

Here is what to say:

"Once upon a time there was a
traveling salesman who stopped
at a farmer's house..."

(See--daddy looks surprised.
Daddy didn't know you knew
a joke.)

"And the farmer said, 'You'll
have to sleep with my
daughter...'"

(See--daddy looks funny. Daddy
is sweating.)

"And the salesman said, 'I don't
want to sleep anywhere I want
to know which way it is to
Kenosha,' and the farmer told
him and he went away. The end."

(See--daddy is smiling--that was
a very funny joke!)
 MERRY X-MAS KIDS


And here is Uncle Shelby's

Christmas present to you

A shiny new quarter

And I pasted it on here myself


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So have fun and buy anything You want!!!

Yours Truly,
Uncle Shelby


PS: I hope your mommy doesn't take the
quarter off and keep it!!!


---------------------------------------
Uncle Shelby is experiencing

technical difficulties today

please do not attempt to adjust

your set. Just stand on your

head...
 
 M is for MONEY


Mommy and daddy always fight

about money.

Money is the root of all evil.

See the money. The money is green.

The money is in mommy's purse.

Take the bad bad money

Out of the purse

And send it to

P.O. Box 42, St. Louis, Missouri.

Then mommy and daddy will be happy.

                       *****
                      *******
                     *********
     ----------------*********
     |               **********
     ----------------*********
                     *********
                      *******
                       *****


No, This is NOT a frying pan!
It is NOT a looking glass!
It is NOT a ping-pong paddle!
Stop trying to be a smart alec!
L is for LOLLIPOP!
Lollipops are good to eat
just before supper!

ÿ