TMW Psychosis - June 12, 1990
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The Place:  The Infinitely existing Fargo's
Where all realms of existence come together to create an interesting collection of 
possibilities.  Everyone who is anyone in the known and unknown universe hangs out 
there.  The bar is stocked with all liquid substances from 8 galaxies.  Oh yes they also 
make pizza there.  The pizza in fact is reputed to be the worst in the universe but there 
is a small little known world, called earth, where there is in fact the worst pizza in 
all of creation.  This pizza is produced at a place called Pistol Pete's Pizza.  The taste 
of their pizza is indistinguishable from the cardboard box it comes in although some 
claim the box tastes better than the pizza.

The Time:   Half Past Six
The hero:   Squidlo

Squidlo is from the realm of Care Bear hell.  a place where everything is so cute it 
makes you want to loose your lunch.  Squidlo is basically a muppet gone bad.
Today he is vacationing and he has stopped in at fargo's.  looking very trendy in his 
Bermuda triangle shorts and shoulder length blue hair

Looking about the bar Squidlo spies a rather attractive female humanoid type... he 
approaches and begins to make small talk ....the female tells Squidlo to back off 
because she is molting.

Squidlo would feel dejected if it wasn't for the fact that he is about to run into a chap 
he he has not seen in quite some time; Dr. Splooge.  At first glance, Squidlo can't be 
sure if it is indeed the not-so-good doctor.  He then remembers the best way to test 
the identity of the slowly melting (but still clinging to a beer and drinking) figure in 
the bar.  Squidlo slides off the bar stool and stands upright on his feet.  He squares 
himself and looks dead at the grey matter passing the empty mug to the bartender.  
Squidlo then yells, "MOTHBALLS!  GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!  MOOOTH-BAALLLSS!"

The grey doctor-looking figure choke-sprays the bartender with his mouthful of beer 
and looks around through the bar with a ravenous look on his entire body.  It seems the 
good Doctor has a wild fetish for mothballs... Squidlo knew just what to say because 
his sister once shacked up with Dr. Splooge for several years.  The smell of moth balls 
permeated every wall and fabric in their house (particularly the materials in the 
bathroom and recreation room.  In addition to his lust for mothballs, Dr. Splooge also 
has a terrible aversion to conventional bedding...).

 Squidlo runs over to the doctor with a bottle of cheap soy sauce and waves it under 
the doctor's nose to bring him around.  Splooge shakes his head for 10 seconds and 
shuts his eyes for another.  When he opens his bloodshot peepers, he sees Squidlo 
looking straight through his eyes.

"Are you alright?", Squidlo asks.  "Yeah, fine...  Don't EVER do that again, you damn 
Smurf!" replies the good doctor.  "What are you doing here?"

As the room begins to spin, the contents of the bar explodes and leaves our little group 
stunned.  The weird plant that now stands where the bar once was is giving off a odor 
not unlike Madonna's armpits and Velveeta cheese mixed with lilics.

"Jumpin' Jesus" exclaims Squidlo.

"It's the Audrey 2!" cries Squidlo.  And as a result we are going to be forced to do a 
really bad movie adaptation of the off Broadway play Little Ship of Wuzzits!

*THUMP*

That's Little Shop of Horrors you damn Smurf.  Said Dr. Splooge while beating Squidlo 
about the ears with a pretzel dish.

"Sorry Doc, I always trip out when weird smelling plants show up in a bar.... it usually 
leads to something...something bad!!!"

*SLAP*

Dr. Splooge proving once again he can do two things at once by slapping Squidlo and 
saying "Damn little muppet doesn't anything get into that foam rubber brain of yours?" 
he continued " This is an obvious plot device to get us up and out of this bar and to 
rescue the universe or some such nonsense.  Well I'm not buying it I'm going to sit here 
and drink until my glass smells of moth balls"

"But Doc shouldn't we do something like call in the army or buy stock in Amway or 
something?"  Squidlo was just about to complete that thought when...

...When suddenly, Dr. Splooge raised his Rayjoy (TM) Destructokill raygun and reduced 
the ravenous vegetable to a compost heap.  "What do you think you're doing!?!", raved 
Squidlo.  The good doctor mused, "Don't you recognize a TARDIS when you've seen one?  
Its chameleon circuit was configured for deep jungle."

"Well", chortled Squidlo, "I've always had a low tolerance for Time Lords anyway", and 
promptly ordered another beer.

A Small dog jumps through a worm-hole in space and begins reciting certain catchy 
phrases from "Naked Lunch" before somebody is able to shoot him, a FLASH of blue light 
illuminates the very confused crowd and bellows "IT'S TIME TO MAKE THE DOUGHNUTS!!"

 Suddenly a large rock, that for some reason looks absolutely un-rocklike, suddenly 
spits open, revealing a black tunnel leading down into the ground.  A disheveled head 
pops up out of the hole.  "Hsst" it hisses at the odd couple.  Squidlo and the doctor look 
at each other for a second, tan unspoken decision is made.  They both turn 180 degrees 
and become extremely interested in the rising purple moon, ignoring a veritable chorus 
of "Hssts," "Pssts,", "Hey You's", and "Are you listening you Fuckin' fairies" that come 
from behind them.  Finally, the disheveled figure shouts "All right, I tried to warn you. 
Just don't come crying to me when you're up to your armpits in lime Jello."  The rock slams shut.

"Is he gone?"  asks Squidlo.

"Yes.  Good thing too, he was just too normal for my tastes."  The two sit for a time, 
sipping their sloe gin and root beer.  "You notice something about the ground 
hereabouts?" the doctor asks.

"Not in particular."

"It doesn't look - Green?"

"I'd rather not say.  I was hoping if I ignored it, it would go away.  Are you getting 
shorter?"

"No.  The ground is getting higher."

"Oh."

The two studiously look around, avoiding each other's eyes.  "I am not going to be the 
first one to admit that we are sinking in lime Jello,"  Squiddy thinks to himself, "But 
by the time it reaches my lower lip, I think I will tell someone."  Fortunately the smell 
of artificial flavoring overcomes him, he sinks into unconsciousness.

When he awakens, he is hanging on a coat rack being fanned by the disheveled person.  
This man, he notices, has a button that says "6" on his coat.  "You wouldn't listen, 
would you?" the figure scolds, "And I was trying to warn you that our reality is being 
warped by...

...By evil persons that place adverts where they don't belong!"  The figure laughed 
hoarsely.  "Every time a post is made where it doesn't belong, the Jello gets deeper and 
deeper!  You should have listened to me while you still had the chance!!  
Moowahahahahaha!"  "That last irrelevant post was your DOOM!  Farewell, my fairy 
friends."

With those words, the figure vanished.  It left behind a flatulent odor that made both 
the doctor and Squidlo wretch momentarily.  They both noticed an object fall and land 
next to their heads on the Jello; it was the 6 from the mystery figure's coat.  Neither 
of the two could reach it as their arms were now confined by the gelatinous limestuff.

"I've got an idea", said Dr. Splooge.  "Squid, what was the one thing your mother used to 
yell at you for at the dinner table?"

 Squidlo thought for a moment.  "Pulling my nose off and putting it back on upside 
down?" he said.

"No, sorry.  I forgot muppets have other things to play with on their bodies...  Didn't you
 ever have Jello for dinner?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, didn't you ever do this?"  With that, the doctor stuck his face in the substance 
confining them and took a huge chunk of it into his mouth.  He swished the Jello 
between his teeth until it was liquid and spit it out.  Squidlo grimaced.

"No, I've never done that..."

"Well, help me, then.  If we can reduce all this to liquid, then we can swim our way out 
of here!  Duck in!"

 Squidlo took a bite of his captor and swished it around in his mouth.  (Salsa! Salsa! 
Salsa!) It was a pleasurable feeling, even for a muppet...

Within 9 hours of swishing and spitting, our heroes managed to reduce the Jello to a 
green mucous-like substance that started flowing through the cracks in the doors and 
windows of the building.  "I feel like a Wankle Rotary Engine," Squidlo moaned as he 
rubbed his sore mouth.  Though the doctor and Squidlo were covered with the goop from 
head to toe, they were out of peril.  At least, they THOUGHT so, anyway.  As they come 
up on the...

The mad film director Damon Blade!  "Cut, Cut!!!"  he cries.  "Now what's all this Salsa 
nonsense?  Tell me, where in the script does it mention Wankle rotary engines?"

"But Damon" pleas Squidlo "It wasn't our fault some strange demon of all the planets 
caused that evil message to infiltrate our script"

"Yes yes yes I know that, you little rag doll, but we were just going to cut it in the 
editing room.... Now you've gone and made it part of the story haven't you?" Damon 
stares intently at Squidlo

"Er...well yes" whimpers Squidlo

"Damn right you did!  now we will probably have to scrape this whole roll of film and 
start from scratch"  Damon sits back in his directors chair and sighs.

"Excuse me Mr. Blade I think I know how we can save this plot," a strange voice says.  
This yet unknown voice causes Damon to turn around to see who is addressing him.

"Well I didn't expect to see you back here again" says Damon.

"Well I didn't expect that I would be needed here this soon" says the mysteriously yet 
unnamed person in the shadows

"So what did you have in mind?" asked Damon.

"I think a little violence is in order" says the still unnamed person in the shadows

"You're right!" Damon turns and said, "Dr. Splooge please be so good as to shoot Squidlo 
dead."

 Squidlo reels around (as well as a muppet can do) and faces Damon.  "Wait a minute," 
he screams, "I didn't mention anything about this Salsa stuff you talked about...  I just 
talked about evil people and their misplaced adverts!  That could have meant anything!"

Our hero turns to Dr. Splooge.  "Don't listen to him, Doc!  After all, who's the one that 
got you the date with that Mrubakkan babe?"

Splooge was taken back a bit.  "She was pretty wild, Squid..."  The doctor then reaches 
into his coat and pulls out a gun and points it at our hero.  "Too bad for you it turns out 
the women of the Mrubakkan race are really the males!  Thanks... BUDDY!  You'll never 
know how glad I was that I'm a doctor..."

With that, every male present shook off a collective shudder and a mumble of disgust.

"Well..." Damon injects, "I guess this would be a good time for a 5 minute break, 
wouldn't it? <clap> <clap> OK, everyone! 5 minutes!  If you're going to go through with 
this, Doctor, then take the little Stuffinghead outside and dispose of him out there."

Suddenly, the dematerialization sound is heard again and out pops Blondball from the 
planet Sperris, who left his homeworld because all the inhabitants looked strangely 
alike.  "You idiots!", he yells,"you can't destroy a Tardis that easily, you just sent it 
ahead of you in time!  I came to get you out of this mess and this is how you repay me? 
 Ingratitude!". In more time than it takes to tell, Blondball consumes the Jello and the 
director.  He then departs to greener pastures.

"Well", Squidlo exclaims, "lets get out of here. They escape through the rift left by the 
TARDIS's passing into...

...An empty space!  Blondball gets out of the Tardis, Spits out Damon and departs.  
Squidlo and company follow him into the void until they are deposited on Ratworld: A 
world overpopulated by rats and pest control companies.  "What a terrible place!", 
exclaims Squidlo, "and what do we do now?"


Will our heroes survive?



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